Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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