I'm so fucking centered right now
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
