It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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