Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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