I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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