Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
