smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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