I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
