Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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