i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
