my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
