dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
