just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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