Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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