Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
