she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
