I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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