That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
