i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize