the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
