Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
