listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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