kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
