So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
