best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
