I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
