I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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