new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
