I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
