ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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