I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
