I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
