I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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