Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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