Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
