look no pants
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
