my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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