i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
