Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
