Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
