I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
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