I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
