Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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