Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
