OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
