areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
