WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
