Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
