I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
