what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
