Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
