just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
