I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
