Nicole vs. Life
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
