I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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