Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize