people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
