Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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