Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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