just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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