honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
