i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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