he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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