I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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