i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
