do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
