:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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