I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
