that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My life is pants optional.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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