She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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