do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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