the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
