Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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