I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
