omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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