Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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