some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
