Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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