Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
5 Insecurities That Are Ruining Your Sex Life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nikki Haley Calls Jared Kushner A Hidden Genius—And Twitter Ain’t Buying It
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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