There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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