btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
