he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Barsexuality is the new black.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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