I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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