As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
