She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He has the fingertips of a God
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