Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
