i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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