He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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