O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
