Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
