Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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