she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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